Brooke Shapiro wondered if she would ever be able to buy a house.

The 37-year-old marketing and sales consultant and her husband, Zack, 37, an attorney and deputy general counsel at a local university, were renting a two-bedroom apartment in Oakland, CA. They had a baby and a toddler and desperately needed more space for their growing family.

But a home big enough in their area—where prices currently hover at a median of $726,500—were more than they could comfortably afford.

“My husband and I both had great jobs, yet we still couldn’t afford a home for our two kids,” Brooke says.

Meanwhile, Brooke’s parents in Bridgeport, CT, were entering retirement age. They were also eager to have younger family members nearby as they got older in case they needed help.

That’s when these two generations hatched a plan that solved both of their struggles.

“My parents helped us buy a two-family home where they live on the other side,” Brooke says.

That makes her an official member of America’s sandwich generation: adults who care for aging parents and/or grandparents while simultaneously raising young children.

According to a recent Realtor.com® survey, 17% of Americans are in Brooke’s shoes, taking care of their parent(s)/grandparent(s) as well as kids under the age of 18 at the same time. Nearly half (47%) say their circumstances have affected their finances, with 30% saying it has prevented them from buying a home and another 30% saying they can’t pay off their mortgage.

Yet 33% of respondents also say that their situation has helped them financially to buy a house.

“Unfortunately for home shoppers, affordability is still a big challenge in the current housing market. But for the sandwich generation, family support is providing a helping hand when it comes to finances,” explains Laura Eddy, vice president of Research and Insight for Realtor.com. “Over half of adults within the sandwich generation who receive financial support from family members report that this support is helping them to afford a home.”

“Adults in the sandwich generation who have received financial support from their family may be able to approach the housing market more financially prepared than they would be otherwise,” adds Realtor.com economist Hannah Jones. “However, it seems the impact of caring for both children and parent(s)/grandparent(s) is rather mixed, with some experiencing a financial benefit and others seeing a hit to their savings.”

How the sandwich generation is coping with the lack of affordable housing

As Brooke started home shopping, she and her husband agreed to contribute half of the down payment, and her parents agreed to kick in the other half, drawing from their ample retirement savings. (Studies show that people 65 and older have an average of $272,588 socked away in a 401(k).)

“We put down the 30% needed to secure a lower mortgage rate,” Brooke says.

They purchased the 1,642-square-foot, four-bedroom, 2.5-bathroom house on Mother’s Day 2020, then closed on Brooke’s birthday in June.

“My husband joked it was my birthday gift,” she recalls.

Brooke’s parents live in a one-bedroom, one-bathroom studio downstairs with a private entry. The unit has a kitchen, laundry area, and terrace.

When her parents visit Brooke’s brother in New York City, sometimes for a month at a time, Brooke lists their studio on Airbnb for around $120 per night. This cash comes in handy since Brooke quit her job so she could devote more time to domestic responsibilities.

“As a result of caring for so many family members, I no longer work at my corporate job, and now just pick up some work when I have time,” she says. “My parents don’t drive, so I drive them to doctor appointments and activities. But I also have my autistic 5-year-old son, Jace, and my 3-year-old daughter, Rayna, in preschool and have to drive them to camp, playdates, and doctor appointments as well.”

Why multigenerational households make sense for the sandwich generation

According to Pew Research Center data, more than 59 million Americans currently live in multigenerational homes like Brooke does. But she admits she often feels caught in the middle as a result.

“Sometimes I feel I am either not a good daughter because my kids come first,” she confides. “Or I am not a good mom because I am helping my parents with their computers and phones.”

Although Brooke is very thankful to own a home and have two generations of her family under one roof, she admits the living situation can be exhausting at times. This dual pressure can sometimes take its toll.

“I feel completely exhausted, depleted, and wish I could afford the house on my own without the help of my parents,” Brooke admits.

Although her parents help Brooke out with the kids, that dynamic can present its own unique challenges.

“It sometimes can be more stressful because it’s not ‘special’ for my kids to have my parents around, since they’re always there,” Brooke admits. “Also, my parents’ and my parenting styles are very, very different.”

Although Brooke shoulders the lion’s share of parental care rather than her sibling, she says she’s fine with this arrangement—and her brother is, too.

“The house down payment our parents made will be subtracted from any inheritance amount I’d get in the future,” she explains. “My dad always says we can enjoy the money now to make memories while he is alive.”

To help others in her shoes deal with situations like these, Brooke started an online community called Sprinkles Parents, which offers resources for the sandwich generation in the San Francisco Bay Area.

“It’s more of a ‘panini generation’ at this point,” she jokes, “since we’re all squished so thin!”

While caring for her kids and parents simultaneously isn’t always easy, Brooke says the memories she’s making with them are priceless. A big bonus is being able to do things together on the weekends, which would have been impossible if her parents still lived across the country in Connecticut.

“Getting to spend more quality time with your family is definitely the highlight of being in the sandwich generation,” Brooke concludes.